As baby time gets closer and closer I get more and more nervous. Not about Mason. Not even really about labor. Not about dealing with a newborn again.
Nope, what I’m worried about is mostly out of my control. I mean, yeah I can influence how it goes some, but for the most part, it just isn’t up to me.
Now see, what I am worried about is how my current three kiddos are going to react, when all is said and done, with a new baby in the house. The boys are actually old enough now to really have strong negative feelings towards Mason coming. I mean Zach has been battling negative feelings on it since the beginning. He never even wanted a new baby to begin with. He was actually pretty darn adamant that he did not want a new baby. Before I got pregnant, Ryan was desperate for us to have another baby, and the boy hasn’t had second thoughts since. It was wonderful during our shaking beginning to the pregnancy to have someone just so overwhelmingly excited about it. I sincerely hope and pray his positive attitude about Mason carries through once Mason actually arrives.
Bella – Bella’s a tough one.
She isn’t really old enough to really understand it all. Sometimes she’s happy, sometimes, well, sometimes she seems sort of like “Eh, OK, enough about the baby now.” I don’t think she grasps the fact that the baby will be here to stay. There won’t be any mommy coming at the end of the day to take the baby away. He’ll be here to stay, and he will cut into her Mommy-Bella time.
I know all about making the kids feel apart of caring for the baby, and making sure I keep time just for them, and all that other fun stuff. BUT… at the core of it, it comes down to them. Well, I have decided to use this break from work before having Mason to devote everything to them. Mason is going to come and change a lot in our house, and for now, I want them to see and know just how important they are to me still – especially the boys since our time together will be full of Bella and Mason. (Bella will still get a little more one-on-one time with me than the boys)
We started our time yesterday (my first actual day off work) by playing at the park and then doing a little picture of taking of the kiddos just as three. (Especially since the next time I do group pictures they’ll probably be four.)