Patterns are scary when you have 4 kids.

Maybe I should clarify that and say that patterns are scary when you already have four kids, and you don’t want any more, and you notice patterns that go the same with your previous times of having kids.
(I’m not overthinking this at all, am I?)

THE PATTERN:

1. Someone gets potty trained. When I got close to having Ryan the little boy that my mom watched – Jared (also Zach’s best friend) was getting potty trained. Even though Zach was only about 18 months at the time, he too started potty training then. (Though he still wasn’t fully potty trained – daytime – until he was 2.) Then with Bella, Ryan started potty training at about the same time I got pregnant with her and made it out of diapers and pull ups about a month before she was born. Bella first started potty training a few months before I got pregnant with Mason and was fully potty trained right before I had him. Mason has recently started showing a real interest in the potty and has gone to the bathroom several times in the potty.

2. Someone turns 2. This one has been a never-fail. Not long after someone turns 2 (generally 2-6 months) I end up pregnant. Right after Ryan turned two I got pregnant with the baby I miscarried. Before he turned three I was pregnant with Bella. Five months after Bella turned 2 I was pregnant with Mason. Bella was born 3 months after Ryan turned three, Mason was born one month before Bella turned three. Mason turns two in less than a week now.

3. Someone gets ready to go to Kindergarten. The little girl that my mom kept when Zach was a baby started kindergarten right after I got pregnant with Ryan. Zach was in the spring before starting kindergarten when Bella was born (bonus points – he was starting the K4 program the same time I found out I was pregnant with her). Ryan started kindergarten at almost the exact same time that I found out that I was pregnant with Mason. I’m going to register Bella for kindergarten in about two and a half weeks.

4. Certain other friends get pregnant or just had babies. There are a few of my friends who almost always get pregnant a few months before I do. One family we’re hitting 4/4 the other 3/4. They both announced pregnancies in the past few weeks.

Don’t get me wrong or anything. If we had another baby, once I got past the initial shock and dread, we’d bounce back and be happy and find a way to make it work. However, we would really rather, well, not. We are currently bursting out of the seams of our little 3 bedroom, basically 1 bath, 1100ish square foot home. Plus our money situation is complete crap. But if it happened, we’d make it work and we’d get happy, because to us, every single baby is a blessing and deserves to be loved and celebrated. But all of that aside, please don’t let me get pregnant again.

I guess I have three options in this situation:

1. Banish John away from me, and give him the evil eye every time he so much as looks at me for the next year and a halfish.
2. Use some form of birth control – which I won’t, I don’t trust them. Please allow me to introduce you to Zach, Ryan, and Mason – all conceived while properly using contraception or birth control.
3. Refuse to allow Mason to continue potty training, refuse to sign Bella up for school, refuse to acknowledge Mason’s birthday, and refuse to acknowledge my friends’ pregnancies.

I think option #3 sounds good to me.