On my way to finding the happy place.

Yesterday I wasn’t fully honest.
((Don’t worry I’m still not depressed.))

It’s not just that I’m tired that has put me in a cranky-pants mood.
I’m a stewer, that’s what has put me in a cranky-pants mood.

stewer – (n.) \stü-ər/ – one who does not move past crap; one who dwells on stupid stuff; one who needs to grow up.

NORMALLY…
Normally, I am not a stewer. Normally, I get mad (including yelling, venting, and maybe throwing a thing or two), and then I get over it. That’s me normally. I am not built to bottle up my rage. When I’m angry, generally we all know it, and we all know why. HOWEVER, there have been two things that I just haven’t been able to vent about and they are eating me up.

So I’ve decided screw it. I’m venting about them.

As you might - or might not - have noticed, I’m no longer working on The Lilypad’s creative team. It was not an easy decision to make, nor is it one that I’m not constantly second guessing. The Lilypad was my happy little digital scrapbooking home, and I loved it. (Don’t get me wrong, I still love the place and the designers and the community.) Not being a Polly is well, awkward. I don’t really want to be active or anything because I don’t want to draw attention to the fact that it no longer says Polly under my name. Because then I’ll have to answer the question of “WHY?” and honestly, that’s not really a question I’m happy answering.
Not talking about my leaving the team is probably the number one thing keeping me in this bad mood. It’s like this living, breathing thing inside of me that only needs the slightest provocation to be a roaring monster. It’s made me paranoid about some of the people I worked with because any slight over there now makes me wonder “Is this on purpose?” because I don’t know what’s been said about it – if anything even has. Which is just stupid. This is not the type of person I am, nor is it the type of people that the other people of The Lilypad are. They’re NICE people. And I am not a pessimist. Nor am I generally a paranoid fool. Yet, every time someone has noticed my non-Polly status and asked about it I become a paranoid-pessimist all over again… and it lasts for DAYS. This is not acceptable any longer, so here we go.

I chose to step down as a Polly. I wasn’t kicked off the team.
I was asked to please reconsider, but by the time that I decided to do it, well, I was still working through my feelings on the whole situation that led up to my decision. The situation? Well, we can just sum it up as a misunderstanding coupled with wounded pride. As I stated above though, I still love The Lilypad, and I really hope my awkward feelings pass soon because it is one of the best places to be as a digital scrapbooker, and those awkward feelings – THOSE ARE ALL ON ME. And I miss feeling like I’m at home.

The other situation, well, it doesn’t require nearly as much explanation.
The Parents Day Out program that I am working at is shutting down in January 2013. Our church is having some money issues and the program isn’t even breaking even with operating costs. Since I love my church, and want to see it doing well, I understand and support their decision. But I’m still sad about it because I absolutely love my job.

There.
I’m already feeling a little better and lighter.

I’m not depressed. (Hello again!)

I’m just so darn tired ALL. THE. TIME.
And I don’t feel like blogging the same things every day right now.
“….Mason is teething, oh and not sleeping either…”
”….Bella is being obnoxious and bratty today…”
”….I’m sick… my body hurts… my head hurts…”
”….Ryan has the mistaken idea that he can fly…”
”….Zach is pms-ing, why can’t he be girl and just do this once a month?…”

That’s not to even start covering all of the sleep deprived arguments and blow ups over stupid and silly crap between John and I.

To top it, when I’m NOT in a bad mood I’m generally too busy catching up on all the crap I didn’t do when I was in a bad mood to get on here and blog.

Sunday Scrapbooking

First off, new this week from Traci Reed and Jenn Barrette:

And for the first time in too long to remember… a page just because. Wasn’t for any sort of requirement.

Lastly – in follow up to the template set giveaway – if everyone who commented on the post would please email me at lifeastheirmom@gmail.com I will send you your download link to get the templates.

Wordless Wednesday–Pirate Edition

Being a pirate is tiring work.

(link up here, here, here, here, here, here, and here)

30 @ 3–Week 1 Photos

Remember, you can find the 30 @ 3 Lists by clicking that link.

I’m actually on week 3 starting today, but am just now moving it to the blog. Each Monday I’ll post the next week’s photos. So, here are week one’s photos!

(1. New Cup  2. Drawing  3. Crazy Hair  4. On One Foot.  5. Favorite Color – They are all out of order so that I could fit them together the best way possible for the image.)

Tomorrow I’ll post some pictures from this weekend. It was a busy one for us. John and the big three had camping with Cub Scouts. Ryan had a soccer game – and we actually got some pictures worth sharing this time. Plus, there was the cuteness of Mason discovering grass.

Hey read this too!On August 27th I posted a giveaway for a template set, unfortunately there were less than a handful of people to enter. I would really like it if more people entered, so I’m going to put myself out there again. (Because it’s kind of a blow to the self esteem when no one wants to enter. lol) I’m going to re-open the entries for the template set, making the new deadline September 21st. If no one else enters I will just give all who did enter the set. I’m updating that post with the new entry deadline, so please keep your entries on that post, not this one.

Sunday Scrapbooking

I’ve been on a roll this week! FIVE pages done for releases Saturday, plus I’m still working on one that I got a little late.

New this week from Jenn Barrette and Laura Banasiak, and a new-to-Sweet Shoppe from her also



(Hey! That one is rocking my Wordless Wednesday photo!)

Traci Reed had a new solo kit come out and a new collaboration with Mari Koegelenberg


(Oh! That template is one of mine in the giveaway…)

Julie Billingsley had a collab with Meghan Mullens, and Krystal Hartley has a new gorgeous kit.


(…vintage Zach…)

Almost.

John and I spent the night not getting much sleep.

(Mason napping this morning)
Yeah, there wasn’t a whole lot of that going on.

I almost wished that we had a handy little can of formula sitting around the kitchen. Almost. What would have been better would have been to actually have some milk in the freezer. I really need to get back to pumping…. but I digress.

This wasn’t Mason’s normal, “Hey! I’m awake and I want to talk all night!” awake. This was crying, wanting to be held as close as possible, and nursing all.night.long crying. I offered to take him into the living room so that John could sleep, but he said no, it was OK. I told him that he could go sleep in the living room then, and again, he said no. You just got to love a man willing to suffer through nights like that with you willingly.

We sort of took turns. I mean, there’s not too much John can take over and help with in this situation. (Thus the dreams of handy cans of formula.) However, he did take Mason for an hour at one point so I did get some sleep then. At about six when John got up to get the big boys up and ready for school I just plopped Mason in his pack-n-play, tuned out, and went to sleep for another hour and a half until Bella woke up. John swears Mason didn’t cry. I’m choosing to not question that and just believe him.

I got up this morning thinking, well, it’s almost been six months, maybe I should go ahead and start solids. Maybe I should take this as a sign that nursing isn’t enough anymore. But then one of my friends commented on my Facebook status and pointed out something I didn’t even consider. GROWTH SPURT. It is about time for another one. Plus teething. (Will my child’s toofies ever actually pop through his gums????)

Anyway this will pass. Eventually. Hopefully. It might seem like it won’t, but it should will.
It’s hard being optimistic on 2.5 hours of sleep.

Proof that it will pass…